What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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