I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love you. Go after that dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
