you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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