i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
