OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
