So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
