Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
