Redeem this text for a blowjob
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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