There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
