Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
