singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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