Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
