Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
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It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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