Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
