He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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