I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
