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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
