I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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