I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize