it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
