i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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