I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The uberlube is also flammable
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
