Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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