She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
why is half of my head shaved?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
