You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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