he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
