i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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