I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
