I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
