your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
