he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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