Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize