I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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