after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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