he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
