Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
