I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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