by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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