Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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