i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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