At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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