Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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