Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
