What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
