The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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