he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
