Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We smell like vodka and hangover
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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