Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
