Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
