i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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