There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
