Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
