Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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