Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
