dude i'm inner monologue high
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
