Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
