Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
