chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
