There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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