Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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