ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
