my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
