If i come over, it means nothing
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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