Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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