He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
