she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
