I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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