Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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