Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
