I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
