2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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